Tag Archives: Communication

It’s Wedding Season

This time of year brings lots of inquiries that go something like this: “I have to give a toast at a wedding, and I don’t know what to say/want it to be funny/i’m scared to death…” and the like. (A funny thing is it’s often a wife who will call on behalf of her husband. Hmmm.)

My first response is, “Relax, this is the most fun you’ll have in public speaking and a great opportunity to impress family, friends, and maybe even bosses and colleagues.”

Besides my usual advice to prepare and practice (a lot), and embrace any stage fright, here are some additional steps:

  • No alcohol beforehand. This is a huge mistake so many people make. Drinking doesn’t relax you, it dulls you, throws you off your game.
  • Don’t embarrass the bride or groom. Or anyone else. Stories should be warm and funny, touching.
  • Be emotional. Don’t break down in sobs, but it’s ok to well up a little. This is one of the only venues this type of thing is acceptable.
  • Keep it short: 5 minutes at most, provided it’s entertaining. We speak at approximately 140 wpm (words per minute), so do the math.
  • Don’t read it. You can use notes to stay on track. Practicing will help you learn it so it seems more spontaneous.

After you’re done, and you have everyone laughing, crying, thinking, “Wow, that was perfect,” raise your glass and celebrate the happy couple — and yourself — by taking a nice, big swig.

Lessons from the VCs

VC stands for Venture Capitalist. These are the (mostly) men, who invest in start-ups and who are always looking for big returns. Think Shark Tank on steroids. I learned a lot about this from an event I spoke at.

It was the Alley to the Valley NYC Summit, which took place at the Harvard Club. Alley to the Valley is an organization that seeks to connect smart and successful women dealmakers across the country. So think Silicon Alley (NYC) to Silicon Valley (CA).

My topic was “Command Any Room: Communicating to Close the Deal.” The energy was electric in that there was so much great connecting going on. Basically everyone had a chance for an “ask” and an “offer.” I asked to be introduced to high-powered women (because all my high-level clients are men and I think it would be fun to mix it up). I offered my time to anyone who wanted to pick my brain about speaking, presenting, and video.

During this event, two terms were thrown around: The first was unicorn. In VC parlance, this is defined as a business with the potential to reach a billion dollars in a few years. The other was an acronym: ECVC, standing for emerging company venture capital. Even the lawyer who is in charge said she learned this term only recently.

I was glad to learn the lingo because it makes me better able to have a conversation when I’m in the company of these types of business people.

Another thing that I noticed was the mere fact of getting together live, in-person, has such great value. For a long time, the trend has been away from face time in favor of quick phone calls. But there is something missing and I think the pendulum might be swinging back. It’s powerful.

We had to go around the room and introduce ourselves. Almost everyone started the same way: “Hi, I’m Jane Smith? I’m a partner at Biddle, Battle, and Beadle? My specialty is mergers and acqusitions?”   Yep, grown women, super successful, talking in uptalk. Oy. And such boring, boilerplate intros. Clearly, no thought had been given to these “first look” presentations, even though we were all told we’d have to do something. Anyway, it came to be my turn and I told a story. I used my best voice. And let me tell you, I had people approaching me all day, handing me their cards, telling me they needed my help. It’s an opportunity to present yourself. Don’t miss out.

Summary:

  • Learn the lingo.
  • Go to live meetings, but vet them beforehand.
  • Introduce yourself in an interesting, non-boilerplate way.

Meryl Streep Really Annoyed Me

I never thought I’d say this, but Meryl Streep really annoyed me. She was so irritating, I had to turn off a movie I was watching that she was starring in. This never happened before. I love Meryl Streep, think she’s one of the all-time great actors. She’s so great at dialects and accents and using her voice to embody her characters. Truly a rare talent. You don’t see a lot of even famous actors with this level of skill. And she may actually be too good at it, because that’s what bugged me — her character’s voice.

This movie I had to escape was “Hope Springs.” It’s about a couple, probably close to 60, who’ve been married for a long time and have gotten bored with each other, the spark has gone out. Tommy Lee Jones played the husband. Streep’s character, the wife, tries to get the excitement back in the marriage.

Traditional housewife, of that generation.

And her voice was so small. She never raised it, even when she was angry or hurt. Can I tell you this type of voice is common even today and I see it in women who are young, and accomplished.

Great example is when I go to events and people stand up and ask questions. And they speak as if they are in a one-on-one conversation in a private setting instead of a room filled with hundreds of people. Their voice is hushed and high-pitched. They don’t realize how they come across. Weak, dependent, not accomplished. They don’t realize they’re being vetted by everyone in that room. People are making decisions about them and basing those decisions on the way they sound.

When you are in public, especially a professional environment, you have to remember that everything you do, including the way you speak, marks you. You can choose to be marked as powerful, confident, and authoritative. Or, you can choose to be marked as weak and whiney.