Tag Archives: Presentation skills

Stage Fright Can Be Cured

Every year or so I am reminded, usually by a client or prospect, to teach about stage fright.

This time, it was a prospect who told me she was so terrified of any type of public appearance it was significantly hindering her progress as a highly successful venture capitalist. She’d raised millions and because she was doing some truly groundbreaking work, she was being asked to speak at major forums – you know… the kind of speaking opportunities most of us only dream of – but she was turning them down. It had suddenly morphed into a big problem and she knew it. Kudos to her because sometimes people are so scared, they don’t even investigate solutions.

In my long and deep experience, I’ve found there are two types of stage fright. There’s the type most people get when they have to stand up before a group and the stakes are high. That’s about 95% of my clients. Then there’s the type where the fear and anxiety are so great, it might be considered clinical.

The good news is there are solutions for both.

Let’s start with the first type of stage fright, the one that’s felt by most people.

You know how it goes… you have a speaking engagement or an important meeting to lead where the stakes are high. Could be that the room is filled with potential buyers of your product or service or maybe your CEO is attending your meeting. These things are enough for even the supremely confident to feel their hearts race, palms sweat, and voices waver. Experienced presenters will feel it too. The difference for them, however, is they will have practiced and prepared enough so those “fight or flight” feelings are manageable. They stay under control. In fact, in the best scenario, they are intense for only a few minutes at the outset, then they dissipate and the speaker relaxes into the “zone.”

Too often, however, speakers don’t prepare well enough and that’s a recipe for failure. In fact, it’s the biggest obstacle my busy clients face. Practicing is tedious and boring and there is always something more interesting to do. So, before they engage me, I’m very clear about what I expect because I know if they don’t practice, they won’t succeed and that’s not good for either of us.

When you’ve practiced enough and the right way, you are able to deal with all the inevitable things that go wrong, you’re able to stay on track. You’re even able to have some fun.

Practice alone is the cure for this group of stage fright sufferers.

The second type of stage fright needs something extra. As mentioned earlier, these are the people who are suffering so terribly they avoid any situation that might exacerbate it. They’ll turn down awesome speaking engagements, they won’t volunteer to lead any meetings, they won’t even call someone like me. They’ve always felt this way and have come to accept the false premise that there isn’t any help out there for them.

But there is… medication. You may have even read about world-class musicians taking what’s become known as the “stage fright drug” before an important audition. I’m not a doctor and I don’t diagnose or prescribe, but I have learned when to suggest to a client this might be a solution and they should pay a visit to their doctor. The medication I’m referring to is known as a beta-blocker. Beta-blockers inhibit the adrenaline response and are typically prescribed for people will high blood pressure and other conditions. These patients take them regularly.

People who need them for stage fright, however, take them only when needed. I’ve see these drugs work miracles. Clients have thanked me profusely for bringing it to their attention. I am just so happy not to see people suffer needlessly. There is a caveat: a small percentage of people are ineligible for these meds. That’s why you have to see your doctor. And if you’re one of the few who has to do without, there are still workarounds.

By the way, this group still has to practice, by the way, just like group one. All those same  principles and techniques apply. But you have to be able to get to the point of accepting a gig where practice is required and that’s what this allows.

So the cure for stage fright is either practice or practice + a little extra help in the form of the stage fright drug.

What Sir Richard Branson and I Have in Common

There was a great article in Forbes by Sir Richard Branson. The most interesting thing about it was his admission that he hates making speeches, because he gets nervous. Still, he has to deliver a lot of them and, thus, recognized early on that if he were going to become a success, he’d better learn to get good at it. (By the way, I’ve had the good fortune to spend time on his beautiful Necker Island.)

One of the nuggets I picked up had to do with his early conditioning around speaking.

As a schoolboy, he was forced to present a memorized speech and was “gonged” if he stumbled. How horrible! That would certainly make me want to go and hide. My own story centers around how shy and introverted I was and how any type of imperfection was magnified out of proportion in my own mind. By the way, that is my personality still today and I’ve had to make an uneasy peace with it.

The fact is many of us have had some humiliating thing happen when we stand before a group and speak. Perhaps it happened as a child, or perhaps it has been more recent. It’s difficult to get back in the saddle after that.

Branson did because he knew that without the ability to comfortably pitch investors, speak to boards, present to clients, and defend his brand, he’d be out of business instead of becoming the celebrity CEO he is today. Even though he says he still doesn’t enjoy it, he does it, and he gets past his jitters with one tried and true technique: practice.

All my clients hear this from me repeatedly, and it’s how I’ve been able to build and sustain my own business. Practice is the only way to attain mastery of this essential, professional skill. And when I say practice, I mean saying it out loud innumerable times until, as Branson says, “you are even hearing the phrases in your dreams.”

You might never look forward to speaking, you might still become nervous (Branson and I do), but you’ll nail it and reap the benefits very few do.

Words Matter. How Evil Is Communicated

“Sticks and stones will break my bones but names will never hurt me.”

This is the old schoolyard response to name-calling and other taunts. Today, we’d call it bullying. I don’t believe it’s an accurate or appropriate response any longer.

What I want to do today is to explain how words, skillfully used, change how we think and ultimately, how we behave. We must be aware so we can remain in charge of our thoughts and actions vs. allowing others to take charge.

I last wrote about this in 2011, when Gabrielle Giffords, the former Arizona congresswoman, was one of several who were shot by a gunman at a political event. At the time, my critique was that words and language we’d been using in our political and public discourse had impacted, even encouraged the perpetrator.

Language is tricky. Its meaning can hide, and, in the wrong hands, cause someone to commit murder. There is an example of this happening right now and we must know about so we can stop it before it’s too late.

Yes, I’m referring to the language being used (or not used) by Trump. Not only is there a tremendous amplification due to the growth of social media and his use of it, but his language is even more explicit and poisonous than what has been used to date by other politicians. It is a cynical effort to co-opt a group of fellow citizens, the vast majority of whom should be respected, but not encouraged.

Words are the vehicles of persuasion and they have great power. If you have any doubt about this, see the big advertisers, who all spend billions to find just the right words and phrases to pitch their products and services. The result of repeatedly hearing these billion-dollar messages over months or years is that even skeptics eventually find themselves slipping into buying mode.

There is a big difference however, between an advertiser who sells soap that contains “1/4 moisturizing cream” or promises a car characterized as “the ultimate driving machine,” and a political candidate, like Trump, who says things like,

“I’ll beat the crap out of you.”
“I’d like to punch him in the face.”
“Maybe he should have been roughed up.”

With the former, lives aren’t in danger. No one’s going to go into that supermarket or car dealership and start shooting because he disagrees with that message. But it is a fact that some individuals listening to certain political messages delivered by a man they see as their leader and even hero, will act on them.

(Something to notice and be hyper-aware of: Trump himself never gets dirty. He prefers others do his dirty work for him. This is cowardice personified.)

I said earlier that Trump voters and supporters must be respected and I mean that. Regardless of what I think of Trump and his hateful and inflammatory language, he has spoken some important truths. Among them are that too many people in our country have been shafted and have lost any hope of bettering their lives and the lives of their families. Politicians and government have largely been at fault. Our immigration system is broken and must be fixed soon. I can understand how promises to deport people who’ve overstayed their visas resonate; it is unfair. Last, but not least, terrorism feels like the new normal as evidenced by the horrific attacks in Europe and the one in San Bernardino. It is so very frightening and must be attended to.

Another observation: Trump’s language and presentation fall against the backdrop of the last 7 years of President Obama’s style. With respect to the president, he has always been of the mind that he shouldn’t have to sell his point of view, that it is somehow beneath him. He refuses to be the “daddy-in-chief” even when we need him to be. It is one of his great failings as a communicator and leader and the rise of a Trump is a stark reminder and rejoinder.

The Trump voters are multi-faceted, of course, but many of them seem to share the following:

Hopelessness.
Powerlessness.
Fear.

These form the perfect recipe for his incendiary rhetoric. If I put myself in the shoes of someone feeling these emotions, I might want to “beat the crap” out of someone. And if I were inclined to become physical, I might act on it. Here is what I know for sure: The vast majority of people will not act. But it only takes a few in a crowded arena, egged on by their so-called “leader,” and overtaken by group dynamics (mob mentality), to inflict a lot of damage and maybe even death.

Of course, demonizing the “other” and threatening, coded language didn’t start with Trump. It has long been used by those who are most evil to foment violence. Trump might not quite reach the level of evil (not yet), but I would characterize him as wicked. Trump knows better, as one must to be as successful as he has been, which is what makes him all the more odious.

That he makes such vicious and provocative statements, then denies them while softening his tone, or pivots to a subject of his choice so masterfully that even seasoned reporters don’t know what hit them takes planning, aforethought, and lots and lots of practice. Something else I am certain of.

There is nothing that can be done about him. He is lost.

But we are not lost. We can all do something. We can identify and understand his techniques, apply this understanding and recognize that only the cowardly and insecure lead the way he does. We can be more self-aware. We can temper our feelings and behaviors. We can ask ourselves soul-searching questions: Is this how I treat my neighbor? Is this how I would want my neighbor to treat me?

All of us. All of us.

Truth: Our country does need some revolutionary thinking and courageous leadership. The people who have been in power for decades have failed us miserably. The current crop of candidates are, as usual, uniformly weak and co-opted by interests of one type or another, yet, one of them will be the next president. This is sad, but not wicked.

Our only choice is to demand change, to use some of the best communication techniques to beat the Trumps of the world at their own game:

1. Carefully select a leader to give us voice lest we destroy what  our
forefathers created.
2. Create a strong message that resonates.
3. Hound them until they get it done.

God help us if it’s a demagogue like Donald J. Trump.