Tag Archives: how to give a great speech

Why do we like to curse? I’ve addressed this topic twice before, the last time in 2013. All I can say is, “My, how things have changed!”

So I wanted to revisit this topic in 2018, when it’s appropriate in the context of presenting and communicating in a business context, and when it’s not. You might be surprised…

In 2013, while these words were prevalent in interpersonal discourse, they were quite rare in public. Newspapers would not publish them, instead describing the words with inoffensive terminology. In fact, when I commented on this then, I mentioned that millennials and Gen Xers seemed less shy about using them than Boomers. Well, Voilà! These young people are now solidly in the workforce, bosses, even, and our ears have become more attuned to hearing these words. Naturally, using them doesn’t feel as wrong as it used to.

I actually studied this phenomenon in grad school. Here is what I learned then, way back in the early 90s: Saying bad words is a rhetorical device that human beings have invented and it’s done in every language and every culture. Originally and in many cases today, we use them to vent, to let off steam. It can be a harmless thing, such as when someone just dinged your car and you say, “sh*t!” It can be harmful if you use these terms to berate another person. Or tell that other driver he is a “f*¢#ing” idiot (which he might be, but it doesn’t help your case).

Now, I am a true potty mouth and everybody who knows me well knows it. But I am also careful about where and when I use these terms.

In 2013 I told you I didn’t use them in presentations because it wasn’t part of my brand. However, as of 2017, I do use them but only in certain situations and in certain ways. So the first consideration is my audience. What do I think they can tolerate and beyond that, would using a swear word help them relate to me more? So last fall I did a big presentation at an event populated by generally younger marketing people, so I figured saltier language would work. It did. It got a big laugh.

In another presentation, it was an older, more conservative group, so instead of saying “what the f*¢k,” I said “what the F.” Got a big laugh. People actually seem to relax. Also, in case you didn’t know, that’s the most popular curse word, by far!

Another cue is if one of the organizers uses these words in front of the audience I’m going to be speaking to. Then I’ve been given permission and I know adding to it will fit.

Now, when do I avoid using them? Always when meeting clients for the first time, as well as when speaking to ultra-conservative type groups, though as the younger generations mature into the C-suite, those are becoming less and less conservative, at least when it comes to this issue. I stick to this rule even if the client says these words. Once I get to know a client, then I may insert a word here or there. I take my cues.

Which is really what this is about, being able to read cues, both historical and immediate. Regarding those speeches, in neither case did it hurt me with the audience or the organizers. In fact it helped me and here’s why: It really is part of who I am. And whether they like your choice of words, if you show up real and genuine, they’ll like you.

I’ve been so struck by the Parkland theatre students who have been speaking out so forcefully after the tragic shooting at Marjorie Stoneman Douglas High School a few weeks ago. It’s been reported that several of them participate in the theatre program at the school. Besides the obvious techniques such stage presence, there are other, less well-known, but just as powerful takeaways that we, as a nation, have been watching play out on the national stage. Following are a few of them. Take note if you want to break through barriers holding you back and get heard…

1. Show, don’t tell. Performing arts requires the ability to look, move, and sound persuasive. This is the obvious stuff, the physical and vocal delivery of lines. You’re playing a part, often based on a character you have no familiarity with. So when you see these kids looking comfortable vs. stiff (like so many politicians), that’s why.
2. Empowerment. When you do a public performance, you take charge and control the energy of a room. Parents and teachers who have always have the upper hand are relegated to being the ones to sit and pay attention. One of the most interesting outcomes is the “popular” kids, who may have not wanted to have anything to do with those theatre kids, are suddenly attracted to them. The performer recognizes this and internalizes it so it becomes a superpower.
   
3. Manage conflict and tolerate dissent. All dramatic texts contain a conflict that must be resolved one way or another. When student actors study scripts, they learn a variety of ways to argue, debate, and solve the problem..Since not all plays have happy endings, they learn increased tolerance for disagreeable outcomes.
   
4. Teamwork. Just like in sports, when kids put on a show, there is an enormous amount of teamwork involved. Each person’s performance is dependent on others doing theirs right. You don’t want to let your teammates down, so you work hard to hold up your end of the bargain.
5. Strong bonds. You form such strong bonds that when the play’s run ends, there are a lot of tears. This camaraderie remains long after the drama club experience ends.
6. Judgment. One of the most common critiques of theatre training is that it’s subjective, that quality is a matter of opinion. That’s one of the biggest canards out there and a reason so many parents object to their kids participation in arts programs. Among other things (see above), all arts training, including performing arts, teaches how to judge what’s good and what isn’t in the absence of fixed or easy-to-quantify rules and metrics. That’s a huge skill and has real applications for real life, unlike a multiple choice test.

All these benefits accrue to what you are seeing in the Parkland students today. In my own life, it has enabled me to walk into any room, even in the early days when I felt little confidence, and command attention. This skill enabled me to get hired over other, more qualified candidates.

Though you are likely well past high school, it is never too late to learn the skills, put them into practice, and reap the enormous benefits that accompany them.

Whether you agree with them or not, the Parkland theatre students are hard to ignore. They will remain so. Something to learn from.